Double Nickels

a repeating number birthday

It is the day before my 55^th birthday, “double nickels” as my sister would say.

55 is a speed limit, not an age, my inner child giggles.

I appreciate cycles, anniversaries, birthdays, and any other moment that marks a pause with tradition and contemplation (and presents).

Birthday rituals of cake and candles, gathering with friends, material gifts and gifts from the heart, all circle around the person, people, or event with reverence and love.

Background becomes foreground, the mundane becomes sacred, what was once imperceptible becomes magnified. These are the gifts I anticipate with wonder as my heart and mind rally around potent pockets of pure consciousness. When the sharp infinite eye of awareness focuses in on the limited view of daily living, what arises is a clear vision of what is, and possibly even the next steps to take into the future.

I’ve never felt like a number, aging linearly along the wide path upon which we all walk. Sometimes I walk so slowly, I forget my destination, taking in the scene and smelling the flowers, and other times I’m sprinting so fast, my peripheral vision blurs out all the sights. Most of the time, I walk purposefully with the occasional stumble or wander into daydream.

My Oz seems to morph as I move forward, like cloud shapes that drift into other shapes creating something completely new and whole. Each new form links with others to continue telling the story. If you gaze long enough at the sky, you will be amazed at the ever-changing tales it tells.

When I’m able to be present, I see the pebbles on the path leading me on, sometimes in directions I did not plan or expect to travel. My mother’s voice, “take the detours,” is a mantra in my heart. She encouraged me through example and words to follow life’s lead, humbly taking the reins on occasion.

Fifty-five is about change, honoring what was to make room for what will be.

Fifty-five is both of my hands (five fingers each), joining together to bring in the blessings of this time – what is mine, will be for me, nothing more, nothing less.

Fifty-five is both of my feet (five toes each), supporting me and taking me on adventures, all the while keeping my earth-body connection intact.

Fifty-five is deepening my discovery of my dharma so I may fully play and live my mission.

Fifty-five is a flag waving at me to slow down and consider the moment. It is a symbol of my chronological age on this earth but does not describe who or where I am on this journey.

Fifty-five is a continuation of my living joy.

While my mirror image no longer matches my inner gaze, I am working to join mindset with vitality rather than chasing some elusive idea of youth.

I love my gray hair and ease with which my body is able to move through the day. I am amazed at the life I’ve lived to this point and excited for what unknown future waits for me. I am grateful for the wake-up calls that remind me to tend to my thoughts and care for this body. I honor the outcomes of my efforts whether they yield my desires or redirect my mind to new frontiers.

I am in training to be agile and strong, mindful, and present, loving and compassionate.  Some things don’t change with age.

Cheers to lifelong learning, growing, accepting, and fiercely tender loving!

This is 55 - before coffee and completely unfiltered (snapped it before sitting down to write this).