When I was little, I got my first nick name on the Auto Train to Florida. My idol of the time was Bat Girl. I loved the show Batman & Robin (which first aired in 1966, two years before I was born), but when I saw Yvonne Craig’s name and the image of her riding the motorcycle across the screen, cape flying behind her at the end of the opening credits, my heart would soar.
While on the train I met these boys who were teasing me about it, calling me Bat Chick and chasing me around the cars. I don’t remember much more about it, other than feeling the heat of being teased and the thrill of the chase.
My siblings, thereafter, created a chain of Bat-Chick-related nicknames from Chickerbean, Chicksa, Chicklet, Chickie, to the basic Chick which continues today. My first niece still calls me Aunt Chickie. When I’m a grandmother, I think I’ll go by Chickie.
Thus began my life as a Fangirl. When I was seven, the show Secrets of Isis (1975-1976) was partnered with Shazam, which further fed my inner super hero.
When Wonder Woman came on the scene (1975-1979) – Diana Prince and her alter-ego captured my imagination in an all-consuming way. Clad in a makeshift costume, I would spin until I got dizzy, never transforming into the superhero I sensed lived inside, but always dropping to the floor in giggles. I remember sitting at our dining room table writing a fan letter to Lynda Carter who I was certain would write back with tales of truth and justice. I got no such letter, but remained a big fan!
The Bionic Woman (1976-1978) known to her friends and colleagues as Jamie Sommers, was not of a supernatural order, but possessed physical strength and super-human hearing as a result of technology (like her predecessor, Steve Austin – The Six Million Dollar Man (1973-1978), who I also admired). Jamie Sommers was an example of a strong woman who did not require a skimpy outfit to show her power. I didn’t understand that then, but wow!!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997 -2003) brought me right back into the realm of fantasy, and I was eager to play and looked forward to each episode with a joy I cannot explain, even today. I was a little older than their target audience at 27 when it started, but that hardly kept me from becoming my own version of a high school superhero. I dressed up as Buffy at a Halloween party, complete with wearing a cross and cute outfit while wielding a wooden stake. No one knew who I was, even after I explained!
Buffy has become part of our family lore. When my first born was reluctant to trying karate as a child, I had her watch season one and told her she could have that super power. She was hooked (on karate and Buffy) and has since gotten her junior black belt and continues to be inspired by the arc of Buffy’s great storytelling. And yes, we both prefer Buffy with Spike!
I just finished watching the entire series again (for at least the fourth time) and always get something out of it. I love that they stayed true to the story and not the fandom which would have had it go on past its natural conclusion. There was a time I wanted to create a college curriculum around Buffy and the Divine Feminine.
I was approached one day by Martha, one of my yoga students, after class, asking me if I had ever seen a show called, Supernatural (2005-2015), she thought I would love it. How did she know?! It was, at the time, in production for its 11th season (22-ish episodes per season). She had me at demon-hunting brothers and urban myths. I admit that I wasn’t hooked by the first episode, by the third, I was all in. If my kids asked their dad where mom was at any given point, his response was usually, “probably somewhere watching Supernatural.”
I was taken by the brothers and their unique relationship. It got me thinking about my own brother and how I wished I knew him better. I already had a good relationship with my sisters, but sadly felt a gap with my beloved brother. I would, in fact, get my wish when he moved home to help me care for our declining parents. The show was a catalyst for my curiosity and the Universe provided the causes and conditions for us to bond and create a unique relationship of our own. I am forever grateful!
My husband, always a supporter of my interests (and a fan of all things supernatural, if not the show itself), came with me to one of the Creation Station Supernatural conventions in Pittsburgh (2016, for my 48thbirthday). It was harrowing to get there, torrential rain storm, our car broke down and we had to rent another on the way, we ended up arriving around midnight. There was no moment when I considered turning back.
Pittsburgh was the home of my first Grateful Dead show in 1985 (another fandom that has defined me), and now holds memories of another kind of magical time. I’ve always felt a bit like an outsider even when on the inside. The people and places that attract me are typically unconventional, like living on the Island of Misfit Toys. Being on that island means we all belong yet offer something unexpected.
Before going to the convention, I wrote a poem about the show that stirred the adrenaline in my imagination and had me print a ton of them (which I imagined I’d distribute to everyone I saw). In real life, it felt kind of strange to do that, but I did give some away and was asked by others if they could have one. I left some on a table and had Misha Collins (Castiel) autograph one. I gave him one too, but doubt he read it.
After my father died in 2017, my dear friend Lise who is also a huge fan, took me to convention in New Jersey. To find another Supernatural Soulmate (including Martha who started this ball rolling), is a gift beyond measure. We enjoyed many episodes together, glass of wine in hand and connecting through our shared love of this show and its characters.
What is it about certain characters that can touch the depths of my heart? I don’t know, but many years ago I saw a theatre production of Luigi Pirandello’s, Six Characters in Search of an Author. I loved it so much I wrote about it in a freshman English class at NYU in 1986.
Basically, if I remember all these years later, a troupe of actors stumble on six characters that had been written into reality, but remained in limbo since the author had never completed their story. They were trying to explain that they needed the actors to embody them so they could live out their story to completion, thus getting to live at all.
Perhaps my inner fangirl is a way of living out the unfinished and untold stories that touch aspects of my deepest self. The powerful parts that remain dormant, like when Wonder Woman is seen by the world as Diana Prince.
I have found that when I claim the disowned parts of myself, like being a fangirl at 55, I am more aligned and get to show up in my fullest, truest, and most formidable nature.
The list of shows, people, and causes for which I am a big fan, is long, each an inspiration to rise and show up in big and unexpected ways. I am grateful for every reflection and connection they provide.
So good & so you! Love you and loved sharing fangirl experiences with you!! Never too old!
Love how you go all in!!!!